LICENSE TO ILL

Currently in Tennessee instead of my home base in Texas, and in order to survive my family, my plan is simply to never be sober until Tuesday. So far today:

• Dad packed his walkie-talkie radio that’s been tuned to trucker frequencies so that he can intercept Spanish-speaking truckers to demand that they speak English at all times and also question the legitimacy of their citizenship.
• Mentions of the War on Christmas and the oppression of the majority so far today: 3
• Rich white people discussing what makes something ACTUALLY racist: 2
• “Faggot:” 2
• “Nigger:” 1
• Grandma asking when I’m going to get a nice boyfriend already and aren’t there ANY boys at school that I find at least a little bit cute please sweetie I want to see you have a boyfriend before I die: 1
• Dad, realizing that there are no brown people to harass, turning his condescension and ire towards everything I do, whether it is unpacking the van or helping with dinner, because I am Not Doing It Right (there is no way to do it right:) check

Ffffffffffuck

I guess consider this my Festivus Airing of Grievances, even if they’re not to the right people. And also it’s technically a day late. Fuck it, it’s the 23rd on the west coast still. There is only so much gentle correction I can attempt before I just sequester myself off to the entertainment room with a bottle of rum and vodka in each hand.

Whatever holiday you choose to celebrate this season (or none at all,) I hope everyone has a good time this season. I know I’m going to try to, against all odds!!!